Searching for the Better Me

My self-confidence had been burdened by my physicality my whole life. At 200+ pounds I felt I never would be happy, loved, pretty, or healthy. Learning to be comfortable in my own body gave me a thicker (and simultaneously thinner) skin. I am learning to deal with my emotions in more constructive ways, and actually do something for myself and my future.

I'm starting to let go of what I thought others were thinking about me, confronting my own insecurities, loving myself more truly than I ever had before, and seeing the real me is somewhere beneath all that excess weighty and emotional baggage.

The mindset change came first. I realized I wasn't happy, I wasn't loving myself, and I was worth more than I was offering myself. Then I turned the situation around.

It had to happen in that order. I'm proud it did, and ready to keep going.

Tuesday 23 August 2011

The First Few Days Back at School

Being back at school is good for my weight, and surprisingly my confidence too? The latter is reversed from what I expected.
When I got on the scale yesterday I discovered it was 2 pounds lower than my scale at home. Since the school's scale is what I'd been using all along, I can truly say I lost 6 pounds this summer. Bringing me to a 36 pound deficit and with only 31 pounds to go.
I'm trying to get back into some sort of workout routine. Going daily isn't quite what I'm looking for. I'm aiming for daily, but at a consistent time, and consistent activities from week to week. So I'm still trying to refigure all of that out.
Eating right is easier again. I love cooking my own meals, and I'll really miss that. But at least not too much has changed from last year.
With the exception of a line in the dining hall that serves the "healthier" options. I went in it to get the grilled chicken the other night and they told me I couldn't only get it if I had a food allergy because that stuff was specifically for people with food allergies. The alternative? A chicken patty with tomato sauce and melted mozzarella on top. Seriously? How is that an alternative to grilled chicken? Lots of people were upset, and I sent an email to the campus nutritionist. I explained to her that I used to be obese and am still trying to lose weight. Even without obesity in my history, I'd expect to have access to the grilled chicken, or something equally as healthy as an alternative. We all pay for our meal plans, we all should have equal access. I get that food allergies are very severe, but this is unfair. There are a lot of changes around campus due to the freshman class having a ton of allergies to everything known to man. We have signs on buildings now that say "no balloons allowed" because of latex allergies. Yes, allergies are scary. And fatal!
Coming to college is a learning experience. And people may hate me for saying this, but I don't really care. The world isn't going to baby you forever, so someday you're going to have to deal with your allergies yourself. This means avoiding certain things and doing the research to know what you can't eat. It takes work. Your parents can't just send an email requesting you to be pampered and treated special because they're scared you're going to die. I don't want to make light of the situation, or sound overly cynical, which I'm sure I'm doing a great job. I just feel that some responsibility needs to be taken on behalf of the students this affects. Because the system wasn't like this last year, and I'm sure there were several students on campus who ate at the dining hall, had food allergies, and survived without the special treatment. Something needs to change and it needs to change soon.

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