Searching for the Better Me

My self-confidence had been burdened by my physicality my whole life. At 200+ pounds I felt I never would be happy, loved, pretty, or healthy. Learning to be comfortable in my own body gave me a thicker (and simultaneously thinner) skin. I am learning to deal with my emotions in more constructive ways, and actually do something for myself and my future.

I'm starting to let go of what I thought others were thinking about me, confronting my own insecurities, loving myself more truly than I ever had before, and seeing the real me is somewhere beneath all that excess weighty and emotional baggage.

The mindset change came first. I realized I wasn't happy, I wasn't loving myself, and I was worth more than I was offering myself. Then I turned the situation around.

It had to happen in that order. I'm proud it did, and ready to keep going.
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight loss. Show all posts

Monday, 22 August 2011

My journey so far...

I am 5'6". I have been since age 12, and I don't think I'm shooting skyward anytime soon.
I tipped the scales at 210 pounds post a broken leg my senior year of high school. Only about 5-10 of those pounds can be attributed to the inactive time, however. When I started my freshman year of college in the fall of 2010, I weighed 202 lbs. I'm proud to say I dealt with the transition fairly well, and found that I could lose weight. At the end of the first semester I was 185. At the end of my second semester, 172. That's about 15 pounds per semester. Negative fifteen pounds each semester. I didn't gain that dreaded freshman fifteen.
I was nervous to go home for the summer. I like it at home much better than school--to an extent anyway--mainly because of family and my best friends. I struggled to be personally happy at school...probably because when I wasn't in class, doing homework, or sleeping, I was working out. That's an exaggeration...I work hard, but I'm not compulsive. I lost my weight the healthy way. At home I lose my self control. I could veg on the couch and eat while I watch TV all day. I didn't want to go backwards.

My parents got a family pass to the YMCA, and I worked out regularly...though not as regularly as I do at school. I quickly realized that I can do it at home, though I maintain rather than lose weight because it is easy for me to eat everything in sight...

I've learned that the reason I can lose weight at school is because it is all I've ever known about life in this environment. My home environment has never been one where I am conscious of my habits--just my feelings. Where I am now is the appropriate environment for me to be healthy. It's strange, but it's a psychological barrier that I need to overcome and just be health-conscious all around.
In short, I now weigh 166.0 pounds! At my height, that's almost average. I was once obese! I am happier, more confident, and healthier than I have ever remembered being. I haven't weighed what I weigh since 8th grade! It is unbelievable. I don't remember ever wearing a size 11 or medium tops fitting appropriately loosely. I haven't been this thin since my mom bought my clothes and just knew what sizes to buy me. I haven't been this thin since a time I didn't need to care what size my clothes were. It's unbelievable, baffling, stimulating, and motivating all at once.
I am going to throw myself the biggest personal party when the scale reads 150. That is my current goal. Ultimately I'd like to reach 135 to say I did it. And to be happy, anywhere between 135-145 is fine with me.